


Strip Tease

by horselizard



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Bodyswap, Episode Related, Gay Panic, Gen, Humiliation, Humor, M/M, Nudity, Season/Series 03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-26
Updated: 2014-04-26
Packaged: 2018-01-20 21:35:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1526603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/horselizard/pseuds/horselizard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A small and silly Bodyswap fic. Small and silly being, as it happens, more or less how Rimmer feels by the end of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Strip Tease

Lister shuffled sullenly into the bunkroom, the gangling limbs of his ill-fitting hologrammatic body swinging awkwardly with every step. He was getting supremely tired of this “deal”, and the decadent spread he saw laid out on the table only served to heighten that feeling. After the first ridiculous binge, Rimmer kept insisting that the amount of food he was consuming was necessary to help with building muscle, that it was all carefully planned-out and nutritionally balanced, but Lister was far from convinced.

It wasn't smegging fair. He'd tried to persuade him to switch back, to cut short the deal, but every time, the smegger somehow managed to talk him out of it. He couldn't _prove_ that Rimmer was taking advantage, so he didn't want to force the issue, in case the stupid git went and did something _really_ destructive in retaliation.

There was no way round it; he was just going to have to sit the next several days out. But how he was going to stop himself going crazy, he didn't know. Not with the nagging feeling that he'd entrusted his body to a less-than-careful tenant. He had Rimmer's hologrammatic form as deposit, but that was almost _less_ than useless – nothing he could threaten to do to it could cause any real damage. And boredom was making it worse: what on earth could he do to distract himself from his worries when he was stuck in Rimmer's intangible body?

As he stared gloomily in the mirror at the shimmering H on his forehead, a smile suddenly started to tug at the thin lips that were built for a permanent sneer. If Rimmer was going to play dirty, there was one way, at least, that he could too.

 

Rimmer strode down the corridor whistling, forcing Lister's stumpy, swaggery legs into as brisk and clipped a gait as he could manage. He was thoroughly enjoying this trade. He had spent a highly pleasant afternoon in the gym – or, at any rate, in the jacuzzi, and the jacuzzi was _within_ the gym, so he was almost certain that that counted under the terms of the body-swap. It was good enough for him, anyway, even if Lister was going to split hairs about it; he felt he'd really worked hard for the slap-up meal he knew was waiting for him in their quarters, and he was anticipating it with relish.

The cheerful whistle died on his lips as he stepped through the doorway, and was greeted with the sight of his own naked body.

It wasn't an angle he usually saw it from, of course, but there was no denying that it was his. _His_ broad shoulders, the ones that promised so much, and the long, scrawny limbs that they so disappointingly delivered. _His_ pathetically pallid skin, with its unmanly lack of anything approaching visible hairs. _His_ waist and hips, the smooth, almost feminine curve that he was so ashamed of... and that looked even worse from this vantage point, the firm round buttocks jutting out with obscene showiness.

Lister was... standing there, naked... in _his_ body.

Lister was standing in the middle of the bunkroom, in _his_ naked body, inspecting it with interest in the mirror.

It took a while before he could regain the power of speech.

“Lister,” he stammered at last, “what are you doing?”

Lister half-turned to face him, and contorted Rimmer's features into a cocky little grin. “I was bored,” he replied.

Rimmer felt his cheeks flaming at the sight of his own genitalia jiggling merrily in the fresh air. “For smeg's sake,” he screeched, “cover yourself up! ...I mean, cover _me_ up!”

“What's the matter, Rimmer?” Lister asked, unruffled. “It's nothing you haven't seen before.”

Rimmer watched with horror as Lister craned his neck to check out the reflection of his pert backside. “No, but _you_ haven't!” he squeaked, his hands flying instinctively to cover the private parts he currently had ownership of.

“I have now,” Lister smirked.

He had, and then some. Rimmer blushed even more deeply, cringing with helpless embarrassment. “You were bored,” he spluttered, trying desperately to regain some control over the situation by marshalling his usual levels of sarcastic snark, “and so you decided to strip off and ogle your naked body?”

“No, Rimmer,” Lister said, producing the expression Rimmer usually reserved for moments of extreme smugness, “I decided to strip off and ogle _your_ naked body.”

Rimmer gaped, utterly at a loss to try and comprehend this concept. “Why?!” he shrieked.

“Well, you were having so much fun in _my_ body,” Lister grinned, gesturing sloppily with slim, elegant fingers. “I figured I'd have a bit of fun with _yours_.”

Rimmer's skin crawled. This was a nightmare. He fidgeted uncomfortably, desperate to run over and cover his dignity with something, _anything_ – but his dignity was made of light, and he was solid, and there was nothing, _nothing_ he could do to stop Lister parading around with it on full display.

“Lister, please,” he begged despairingly, “for heaven's sake, put my clothes back on! What if someone _sees_?”

“Huh,” Lister said with a frown, as though that hadn't occurred to him. He considered the point, rocking on his heels in a ridiculous parody of Rimmer's own habit. Rimmer stared, mortified, as the action made his genitals bounce gently. “I suppose that'd be a bit of a shock for them, you're right. Lock!” he called out, then returned to peering interestedly in the mirror as the door closed. “There we go. Now no-one'll go walking in on us.”

Rimmer swallowed, feeling very uneasy at Lister's choice of words. What the hell was going on here, exactly? Why _was_ he so captivated at the sight of his naked body? Oh God, what if he'd lent his hologrammatic projection to a shirt-lifter? What would happen if Lister started getting erect... if _his_ runty, skinny little willy started getting erect in front of his own eyes?

“Hey, don't mind me,” Lister said cheerfully, sashaying his usually stiff-limbed, lanky body towards him. “You go ahead and have your dinner.”

Rimmer suddenly felt very small as Lister stood over him, much too close, wearing nothing but an H and a broad, mischievous grin.

“I... I think I've lost my appetite,” Rimmer stuttered. Then he turned round, smacked clumsily at the door-release panel, and stumbled hurriedly from the room.


End file.
